Santa Clause is Coming from Mars

14 Dec 2011 1 Comment

by C.O. Bonham in Random Musing, Well founded paranoia Tags: , , , , , ,

Merry Christmas everyone.  Here is a special holiday blog post for your enjoyment.

The entire surface of or planet has been mapped. This includes the North Pole. No one has ever found Santa Clause or his workshop. Elves don’t exist. Reindeer don’t fly and one person couldn’t visit every child in the world in one night.

 All Valid arguments against the existence of Santa and all of them wrong.

 Because everyone keeps forgetting to take into account the very obvious fact that Santa lives on Mars.

 Fact 1) Earth reindeer can’t fly  but Martian reindeer can.  The Mars deer is very much like earth reindeer only much smaller and they have rust red hair in order to blend in with the planet’s surface. They fly based on the principle of magnetic repulsion and are propelled by special webbing between their legs for catching the wind.

 Once when a Mars deer escaped after a Christmas eve flight it mated with an earth Reindeer and the resulting hybrid had a bioluminescent mucus that caused it’s nose to glow in the dark.

 Fact 2) Elves don’t live on Earth. They live on Mars. Just like we call ourselves Humans not Earthlings the Martian race of intelligent beings refer to themselves as Elves. The Elves of Mars stand about four feet tall and have what we might call a green complexion.

 Fact 3) We have completely explored our North pole. However, no human has ever set foot on the Martian North Pole. Santa’s base is located mostly underground due to the harsh environment on Mars. This explains why satellites have never been able to photograph it.

 Fact 4) Santa has been around a lot longer than anyone human could live. This is because Santa and his wife are actually from a race of long-lived humanoid aliens that came to our solar system in the early 1800’s.

 Fact 5) Santa couldn’t make it to every child in one night. At least not without his warp drive. The Mars deer make a great transport between houses in towns and cities but Santa needs something a little faster for going across oceans deserts and other large stretches of land. That is why Mrs. Clause waits for him at set rendezvous points with the O’ Christmas Tree. This high-speed craft not only provides fast transport but also stores the majority of the gifts. You didn’t really think that all those gifts would fit in the sleigh did you?

 Fact 6) No you can not use this as an idea for a story. I am already working on it.

 Fact 7) No Chimney? No problem. Santa uses a portable matter transporter to beam in and out of houses. Going down the chimney is just silly when you have a very high-tech, holly berry red, all-weather environment suit on.

 So if Santa is an Alien and the Elves are Martians then why do they waste every Christmas eve delivering gifts to Earth Children?

 Because a long time ago the creator of the universe decreed that he would visit our lowly planet. He took our form and became one of us so that he could die for us.

 Santa and his wife heard this and decided that in honor of the creator becoming a humble Earth child they would do something to bring happiness to the race that he held so dear. The Elves our nearest neighbors are happy to help honor the God child by assisting Santa.

Just remember when you open he presents on Christmas morning that in Santa’s eyes no gift that he can give will ever compare to the gift that our planet has already been given.

Joy to the World and Merry Christmas.

Cathrine

P.S. If you got coal in your stocking  a representative from NASA will be knocking on your door soon to confiscate it. Martian Coal  😉

There Is No I In . . .

05 Dec 2011 Leave a comment

by C.O. Bonham in Random Musing, Theater Tags: , ,

There is no I in team. It’s a colloquial expression that might be technically true but is it really a valid expression of truth or just a platitude?

 T-E-A-M.

 No there is no letter I. But if you scramble the letters you get: AT ME. Which is short for “Hey Everyone Look At Me!” commonly abbreviated as MVP.

It is possible to have a team full of nothing but ball hogs.

 It is also possible to feel completely unwanted while on a team. Just ask anyone who was ever picked last or had to sit on the bench.

 Sport Teams only care about one thing. Winning. You may argue that the only thing that matters is to have fun and be a good sport but no one will believe you.

 It is interesting to note that there are other words that no one ever thinks to apply the “no I” principle to.  For example there is no I in Staff.  There is no I in squad, troop, group, or gang. There is no I in Band and there is no I in Theater.

 There is no Me, Myself, or I in Theater.

 There is no I in Cast, Crew or Troupe for that matter.

 Theater work is the perfect example of human beings working together for a shared achievement. There is no competition. Everyone has a role to fill. No one has to sit on the bench because no one is expendable. There are small actors not small parts.

 And before someone tries to make an argument using One man shows let me just say that even if the performer could get by without a Stage manager, Lighting crew, Tech Crew, Producer and the House Staff. He still needs an Audience.

 All of the people who buy tickets and enjoy the show they are part of the Theater too. They are the reason that the Theater exists. Without an audience there is no performance.

 Just from personal experience I know how excluded and alone someone can be on a “Team.”

 Also from personal experience I know the amazing feeling of being included that comes with working on a Theatrical production.

 In the Theater Everyone is important. If only, all the world really were a stage.

Weather Tis Vane to Comment

29 Nov 2011 7 Comments

by C.O. Bonham in Random Musing, Uncategorized, Well founded paranoia Tags: , ,

I was so excited when I first started getting comments on my blog but for some reason they were all in the spam pile. I am thinking, “What are all of these wonderful people who actually like my writing doing in the spam folder?” So I approved the comments and basked in the glow of positive feed back.

 Then I looked closely at where the comments came from. Most of them seemed to be just regular blogs like mine. But they all had the word Weathervane in the title.

 So I said ohhh kaaay and forgot it. Then recently I got some twelve or so comments in my spam folder at one time. They appeared to be from different people but when I clicked on them they all linked back to the same website. A website that sells weather vanes.

 So I ask: Why is it that the only people who read my blog are Weathervane enthusiasts?

 Am I prejudice against Weather Vanes?

 No.  Weather Vanes are both decorative and functional. But you can’t blame me for seeing some kind of conspiracy. Can you?

 Sorry if I offended anyone who left a genuine comment and honestly enjoyed my random musings.

 This just happens to be what I’m musing on right now, though something tells me that this anything but random.  I think that there might be a method behind the spam filter’s madness.

 So please by all means leave a comment. Feel free to praise my opinions or even disagree if you feel you must.

 For right now I am going to leave the settings alone so that I can continue to either approve or disapprove comments.

 I also realize that I am not very good at replying to comments. Sometimes though it is really hard to know what to say.

 So here are a few comment guidelines that will get you approved and maybe even get a reply:

 1) Say something about the subject of the post that you are commenting on. Do you agree/disagree? Did you think that it was clever/lame/too clever by half? What is your opinion?

 2) Do not ask me tech questions. I am not a blogging guru. I am not good with the technical stuff; I just type and post that’s it. I have no Idea what an RSS feed is.

 3) Try to avoid having anything to do with weather vanes. I am on to you. (If you do have the misfortune of having a weathervane related site please pay close attention to point one. That should get you accepted.

 4) Don’t try selling anything. I might let through a recommendation but never a blatant ad.

 And lastly

 If you really want me to reply to your comment you need to engage my interest. Have I met you before? Did you hear about me through Cross and Cosmos? Do you have an opinion on the post topic?  Does the post remind you of a book you read once? A TV show? Movie? I am more likely to reply to a reader who is engaged in the subject than one who just says, “I never thought about it that way before.” My opinion on the topic is already in the post so I guess I figure, “what else can I say?”

 I hope that helps. Again sorry if I sounded mean that really wasn’t my intention. But maybe these few suggestions will help you decide whether ‘t would be vain to comment or not.

Black (Friday) is the New Holiday

25 Nov 2011 1 Comment

by C.O. Bonham in Random Musing, Well founded paranoia Tags: , ,

Thanksgiving, the Holiday where we say “Thank you God for everything that I have.” Today is the day after that one. Black Friday, the day where we say “What about all of the things I don’t have?”

 The News has been going on for weeks about Black Friday, since Nov 1st to be precise, and the great sales and crowds and economic upturn that is expected to accompany it. Where did Thanksgiving go? A visitor to our country is likely to think that we celebrate Black Friday as a national Holiday. Last night on the CBS evening news the anchor actually called it Black Friday Eve.

   Thanksgiving is overlooked enough as it is; with it being hidden between Halloween and Christmas. We really shouldn’t obscure the Holiday completely by placing a fake Holiday immediately after it. A Holiday where instead of being thankful and happy we scramble around and fight and go into debt just so that we can worship the false gods of Consumerism and Greed.

Why did so many people waste the true Holiday Camped out in front of Best Buy instead of eating turkey with Family and Friends?

I am writing this too late to stop anyone from going to those early sales but that is because I did a little thing I like to call sleeping in.

 Black Friday isn’t good. Good Friday though is a different story.

 

 

On Writing

19 Nov 2011 1 Comment

by C.O. Bonham in Random Musing Tags:

Hi sorry I was really bad about getting a post out this week; I will try harder next week. Until then here’s a little look into my writing philosophy. 

I have heard it said that great writing teaches us about humanity. Where we’re going, where we’ve been and everywhere in between.

But if you really think about it isn’t writing really about only one person? The Writer. The only reason we write is to be understood by others. We have these thoughts in our heads and all we want to do is share them. Sometimes when the words are in our mouths they just don’t come out right. So we sit and think about what we are trying to say. We put it on paper. Try as hard as we can to make the meaning clear. And then hope that someone is listening — Reading.

Writing isn’t about enlightening humanity it’s about connecting with humanity. Are all writers socially inept introverts like me? No. But I’m sure that all writers feel like they have something to say.

Writing is very much the act of putting one’s soul down on paper.

Fiction = Dreams. Non fiction = Conscious thought.

So the next time you’re reading anything remember it’s not about you or the human race or even the main character it’s about the writer.

Yes I am even conceited enough to say that it’s about me.

But if understanding me better helps you know yourself better or even humanity, then that’s ok too.

Cathrine

The Big Three

09 Nov 2011 2 Comments

by C.O. Bonham in Random Musing, Shakespeare, Star Trek Tags: , , ,

There are three great works that are so deeply ingrained into our popular culture that there isn’t a person on the planet who wouldn’t recognize quotes from one of  The Big Three.

These three opuses will forever be around to shape the human imagination and to inspire future generations.

The three greatest collections of knowledge and inspiration, which are so powerful that each was built on the shoulder of the one before, are:

The Holy Bible — which is the very truth of God. This is the work of works. It has shaped our modern culture into what it is.

The Christian Bible tells us why we are the way we are and what we should yet strive to be.

The Complete Works of Shakespeare — Encompasses of the human spirit. It tells us what we are as the Human race. Shakespeare shows us how we think and how we feel.

Like the Bible, Shakespeare requires Faith. denying that Shakespeare wrote his own plays is like denying that Jesus was the Son of God.  In the same way that no one would die for a madman, would Shakespeare’s friends have bothered spending the money to publish the First Folio if someone else had written the plays?

And the last but definitely not the least is. . .

Star Trek — Take the franchise as a whole or just take the three original seasons of The Original Series, either way it would be hard to deny Star Trek’s influence over our modern way of life. Just flip open your Cell phone and talk, you are holding the communicator from Star Trek.
Star Trek inspires us to look to the future. It encourages progress and it shows us what we can achieve and what the future can become.

Star Trek also embraces the past and reminded the generation of the late 60’s and the early 70’s of the moral lessons that were no longer being taught in their class rooms. Maybe not a lot of people realize it but Star Trek is actually a series of Morality plays that expound Biblical morals and Shakespearian ethics.

Go ahead question me but then sit down and really watch it. Even if the show is lacking in direct quotes you have to admit that the ideas are there.

So there they are the Three most important contributions to modern society. The inspirations for everything  we achieve.

The Record of the past that tells us how we began and why we are here.

The poetry and plays of The Bard that move  us to thought and spark our imaginations.

And the Futuristic morality plays that dare us to move forward without losing sight of the past.

Interesting how the Big Three move through the different mediums from written record to stage plays to television production.

One wonders, Will there be a fourth and what form will it take?

Vampires: only a Christian can kill them

31 Oct 2011 1 Comment

by C.O. Bonham in Random Musing, Theological Musings Tags: , , , , ,

Happy Halloween!

This is a very special blog post. I understand that some people who read my blog might not realize that I am a Christian. So I am including this one time *RELIGION ALERT* if you don’t think you can handle hearing a bit of the Bible then I will not fault you for not reading but I do hope you will read and think and enjoy.

It has always struck me as weird that only a Christian can kill a vampire. You’ve got: Crosses, Holy water, and in Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula Van Helsing even uses Communion bread to create barriers against Dracula. Even their vulnerability to sunlight is a metaphor for only The Son (of God) can kill them. Yet a Christian is about the last thing that you would expect to see in a Vampire horror movie.

Check out this clip from Fright Night the new remake of the 1985 cult movie.

This clip has a parallel scene in the original 1985 version but alas I could find no Youtube clip for it.

Interestingly, there is also a stunning parallel found in the Bible:

 “Some Jews who went around driving out evil spirits tried to invoke the name of the Lord Jesus over those who were demon-possessed. They would say, ‘In the name of Jesus, whom Paul preaches, I command you to come out.’ Seven sons of Sceva, a Jewish chief priest, were doing this. [One day] the evil spirit answered them, ‘Jesus I know, and I know about Paul, but who are you?’ Then the man who had the evil spirit jumped on them and over powered them all. He gave them such a beating that they ran out of the house naked and bleeding.” (Acts 19:13-16 NIV)

The very name of Jesus contains power but only for those that have permission to use it.

The above verse reinforces and give credibility to the claims made in the movie Fright Night that the only way a mere mortal can take on the undead is by having a relationship with the ultimate Undead, Jesus Christ, and in so doing become Undead ourselves.  

“And if the spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his spirit, who lives in you.” (Romans 8:11 NIV)

Do you get it? Not just Heaven; not eternal afterlife. But Life in our mortal bodies.

Being one of the undead is great. Unlike the vampires and Zombies who terrorize and murder large numbers of people to survive a Christian only needs to feed on the soul sustaining flesh of ONE man. The Body and Blood and of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Halloween is the night that the Undead supposedly walk the earth. But Christians are the Undead.  So why is this night dominated by the forces of Darkness? Why does a Faith filled Christian never come to the rescue in Vampire movies?

What if Romeo & Juliet had lived?

28 Oct 2011 3 Comments

by C.O. Bonham in Shakespeare Tags: ,

So everyone seems to think that the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet is so sad but really what kind of future could they have had together? This week I ask the question: What if Romeo and Juliet had lived? This is just a little bit of fun. I don’t mean to actually rewrite Shakespeare but seriously: Can you picture them with kids?

 Romeo what a hypocrite he has become. Let’s see how the once great lover handles young love when the shoe is on the other foot.

Romeo with sword in hand, “Stay away from my daughter you prepubescent villain.”

“But father I love him,” pleads his little girl, “you and mother were younger still than us when you snuck away to Friar Laurence’s hidden bower and wedded at a secret hour.”

“It matters not,” Her uncaring father shouts, “I’ll shan’t have this scoundrel within my house.”

His daughter Portia begs and pleads but watches helpless as her lover bleeds.

While Romeo breaks his daughter’s heart his wife is dealing with her own problems.

“Tybalt please come back from there. I’ve told you a hundred times if I’ve told you once to not play on the balcony. If you fall from there you’ll break your neck and be as dead as your namesake, my poor cousin.”

And what of the warring in-laws? Have they made peace? Or is peace only found in tragic death?

“I’ll have none of this Grandfather,” Lord Capulet tells Tybalt’s twin Metrucio. “I’ll not share a term of endearment with that Montague scum. Call me Ompa if you must but never address me as equal to your father’s sire.”

The little boy runs off and alerts his brother to Lord Capulet’s desires.

Meanwhile, Lady Montague is having quite the chat with her generational counter part.

“Really they were quite the match. I will never know how it all went so wrong.” Lady Capulet bemoans. “Paris would have provided everything; Money, Power, A place in court. I will never understand that girls logic.”

“Yes you’re right it is quite tragic. For my Romeo I could have gotten a Danish lady if only the wench hadn’t drowned herself.”

“Oh Lord what fools our children be!” Exclaims lady Capulet to heaven.

“Indeed quite right. Have you heard how they fight?”

“It’s true of course the passion faded long ago. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Friar Laurence hadn’t had a change of heart and alerted the Prince of his secret doings.”

“Oh that I know right enough. Our children would be dead because our husbands would have killed them. Or the children would have killed themselves.”

“No not my Juliet. She is too pious and has such fear of Hell that she would never deign to take her own life.”

 

Gremlins: The Techno Woe Begetters

21 Oct 2011 2 Comments

by C.O. Bonham in Well founded paranoia Tags: , ,

The discerning reader might have noticed a particularly Anti-technology slant to last weeks blog post as well as a related post from some weeks before.

 Well, like I said in the post titled “Save the Books” it’s not really that I don’t like technology; technology just doesn’t like me. Or should I say that the Gremlins don’t like me.

 According to The Element Encyclopedia of Magical Creatures Gremlins are a species of Boggart that was first classified during World War I  when Radio operators and Airplane mechanics noticed unexplained malfunctions.

 The Word Gremlin is derived from the Old English word gremian which means to Vex. (They sure like to Vex me.)

 These little buggers deserted their European homeland and came to America with our returning troops. Ever since they have been infiltrating and breaking down our electronic devices.

 It is no coincidence that the car known as a Gremlin kept breaking down. For some reason the sneaky fairies were attracted to them like flies to honey. Thus the lemon earned the name Gremlin.

 These device destroying creatures are not to be confused with the mutated Mugwi featured in the movie Gremlins that is an entirely different animal.

 No the Techno munching  menace that we face is all to real.

When something on your computer messes up, listen carefully and you can hear them laughing at you through your computers speakers.

 If you are traveling and you find that all of your batteries are dead this is because a Gremlin has stowed away in your luggage and has been sucking the juice from your electronics in order to survive. Keep them away from your car battery by closing all of the air vents in the car and turning off the car’s automatic lights. Also buy Maps instead of relying on GPS. If one of them gets into a GPS you will never reach your destination.

 To catch a Gremlin take an old floppy disc and place it on a mouse trap.  Then stick this set up under your computer desk. When the trap snaps don’t be surprised if the Gremlin looks like a mouse. Because they do you know. In fact place some cheese on the trap too. Just to show the Gremlins that you’re on to their little disguise.

 Remember gremlins are out there and they want to Vex you so vex them first by cutting back on your level of technology. Gremlins will always search out the highest level of Tech. So if there is a Gremlin around you will be glad that you’re not the guy with the smart phone. If you are the guy with the smart phone I am truly sorry but I told you so.

The Power of Paper

15 Oct 2011 3 Comments

by C.O. Bonham in Well founded paranoia Tags: , , ,

On September 14 I posted a stirring rally to preserve the printed word from the insecurity of the digital ether titled “Save the books.”

 It seems that the United States Postal Service shares my concerns. They have started airing new commercials promoting the security of paper. Check out the new commercial here. or watch below. Sorry the sound is so bad but it is the only one I could find on You Tube.

[Update: I guess the sound on the video is actually good it was my Computer that was off. If you have the same problem that I did try messing with the balance and wave on your speakers until it sounds good.]

It is probably a half-hearted attempt to scare people into throwing some business their way. But I ask you, where would this Country be without our Postal Service?

So in keeping with the anti-technology theme  I challenge every one who reads this to write a snail mail letter to a some one. Make it some one that you don’t see a lot. In your letter mention this blog. What? I’m entitled to a little self promotion. Then ask them to write a letter back. 

Besides getting mail is amazing! Don’t you want to give some one the gift of opening their mail box and finding a surprise? It is so exciting to receive correspondences from non-businesses.

So in addition to saving the books you are now charged with preserving our US Postal Service.

ALL HAIL THE POWER OF PAPER!

Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries