Lunch Time Etiquette

The following manners apply to anyplace where large groups of people gather to consume food that they packed themselves: be it cafeteria, break room, or public park.

Upon entering a room in which someone is eating an orange, one should never exclaim, “I smell Oranges!” This just serves to show everyone how unobservant and rude you are. This will also result in the Orange eater not offering you any. Instead you should casually glance around until you locate the orange eater and then casually approach them. Begin the conversation thusly, “Why I see that you have chosen to eat an orange today. I can tell that you care about your health very much because oranges are high in vitamin C and are a tasty way to ward off many nasty diseases such as scurvy.” Then go on to explain that you have recently returned from a long sea voyage and that you fear you yourself might be suffering the early stages of Scurvy and that you would be forever grateful if they might share part of their life-preserving fruit.

Always pack a book in your lunch bag. First of all, it is brain food and will make your diet more complete. Secondly, it will help to comfort you after you realize that no one in the lunch room is eager for you to sit with them. If however, you actually want to read your book while you eat do not sit at a table with women. They will talk incessantly though not to you.

If you want to eat without having hate-filled stares shot at you do not sit at the Clique table. The Clique table is the table closest to the doors so that the Clique can judge everyone who comes in to eat. The Clique will be almost entirely women and they will be talking loudly and about things of little importance. If you remembered your book sit as far away as possible. If you forgot it sit one table over and eavesdrop.

The rules for Popcorn are different from that of Oranges. Forget it no one shares Popcorn. You can exclaim that you smell popcorn all you like because the buttery goodness is all mine.

Take your change from the vending machine because no one is going to announce that they found an extra quarter. Like wise don’t feel guilty about pocketing an extra quarter because chances are that the machine is the one that messed up and spit out that extra money in order to make up for all of the times it ate your change. Yea I can live with that story.

The Principle of First Trust

They say that Trust is earned but this is a blatant lie. Trust is automatically given and expected. People expect me to trust them on our first meeting. People want trust without ever meeting them.

For example if you are selling your house you have to trust the realtor and the people viewing your house not to damage or steal any of your possessions.  If you do business over the phone you have to trust that person to keep up their end of things. When I order books online I have to trust Amazon to ship the items on time. 

Broken down on the side of the road don’t we trust that the person pulling over is a good Samaritan and not a serial killer?

On your first visit to a fantasy world you have to trust the first person you meet there. It is not possible to tell a caring Queen from a White Witch based only on first impressions.

If first trust is broken then I guess one could earn second trust. But even a chance to earn back trust is still a gift of trust from the person wronged to begin with.

Unfortunately, trust can’t be earned, it just isn’t practical. if we had to give every person we will ever meet a trust test before interacting with them all of our time would be wasted filling in dots with a number 2 pencil.

But even though you can’t earn my trust I still refuse to hand it out lightly.  So forgive me if I still lock my doors at night. Just because trust can’t be earned dosn’t mean everyone can be trusted.

There Is No I In . . .

There is no I in team. It’s a colloquial expression that might be technically true but is it really a valid expression of truth or just a platitude?

 T-E-A-M.

 No there is no letter I. But if you scramble the letters you get: AT ME. Which is short for “Hey Everyone Look At Me!” commonly abbreviated as MVP.

It is possible to have a team full of nothing but ball hogs.

 It is also possible to feel completely unwanted while on a team. Just ask anyone who was ever picked last or had to sit on the bench.

 Sport Teams only care about one thing. Winning. You may argue that the only thing that matters is to have fun and be a good sport but no one will believe you.

 It is interesting to note that there are other words that no one ever thinks to apply the “no I” principle to.  For example there is no I in Staff.  There is no I in squad, troop, group, or gang. There is no I in Band and there is no I in Theater.

 There is no Me, Myself, or I in Theater.

 There is no I in Cast, Crew or Troupe for that matter.

 Theater work is the perfect example of human beings working together for a shared achievement. There is no competition. Everyone has a role to fill. No one has to sit on the bench because no one is expendable. There are small actors not small parts.

 And before someone tries to make an argument using One man shows let me just say that even if the performer could get by without a Stage manager, Lighting crew, Tech Crew, Producer and the House Staff. He still needs an Audience.

 All of the people who buy tickets and enjoy the show they are part of the Theater too. They are the reason that the Theater exists. Without an audience there is no performance.

 Just from personal experience I know how excluded and alone someone can be on a “Team.”

 Also from personal experience I know the amazing feeling of being included that comes with working on a Theatrical production.

 In the Theater Everyone is important. If only, all the world really were a stage.