What if Romeo & Juliet had lived?

28 Oct 2011 3 Comments

by C.O. Bonham in Shakespeare Tags: ,

So everyone seems to think that the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet is so sad but really what kind of future could they have had together? This week I ask the question: What if Romeo and Juliet had lived? This is just a little bit of fun. I don’t mean to actually rewrite Shakespeare but seriously: Can you picture them with kids?

 Romeo what a hypocrite he has become. Let’s see how the once great lover handles young love when the shoe is on the other foot.

Romeo with sword in hand, “Stay away from my daughter you prepubescent villain.”

“But father I love him,” pleads his little girl, “you and mother were younger still than us when you snuck away to Friar Laurence’s hidden bower and wedded at a secret hour.”

“It matters not,” Her uncaring father shouts, “I’ll shan’t have this scoundrel within my house.”

His daughter Portia begs and pleads but watches helpless as her lover bleeds.

While Romeo breaks his daughter’s heart his wife is dealing with her own problems.

“Tybalt please come back from there. I’ve told you a hundred times if I’ve told you once to not play on the balcony. If you fall from there you’ll break your neck and be as dead as your namesake, my poor cousin.”

And what of the warring in-laws? Have they made peace? Or is peace only found in tragic death?

“I’ll have none of this Grandfather,” Lord Capulet tells Tybalt’s twin Metrucio. “I’ll not share a term of endearment with that Montague scum. Call me Ompa if you must but never address me as equal to your father’s sire.”

The little boy runs off and alerts his brother to Lord Capulet’s desires.

Meanwhile, Lady Montague is having quite the chat with her generational counter part.

“Really they were quite the match. I will never know how it all went so wrong.” Lady Capulet bemoans. “Paris would have provided everything; Money, Power, A place in court. I will never understand that girls logic.”

“Yes you’re right it is quite tragic. For my Romeo I could have gotten a Danish lady if only the wench hadn’t drowned herself.”

“Oh Lord what fools our children be!” Exclaims lady Capulet to heaven.

“Indeed quite right. Have you heard how they fight?”

“It’s true of course the passion faded long ago. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Friar Laurence hadn’t had a change of heart and alerted the Prince of his secret doings.”

“Oh that I know right enough. Our children would be dead because our husbands would have killed them. Or the children would have killed themselves.”

“No not my Juliet. She is too pious and has such fear of Hell that she would never deign to take her own life.”

 

Gremlins: The Techno Woe Begetters

21 Oct 2011 2 Comments

by C.O. Bonham in Well founded paranoia Tags: , ,

The discerning reader might have noticed a particularly Anti-technology slant to last weeks blog post as well as a related post from some weeks before.

 Well, like I said in the post titled “Save the Books” it’s not really that I don’t like technology; technology just doesn’t like me. Or should I say that the Gremlins don’t like me.

 According to The Element Encyclopedia of Magical Creatures Gremlins are a species of Boggart that was first classified during World War I  when Radio operators and Airplane mechanics noticed unexplained malfunctions.

 The Word Gremlin is derived from the Old English word gremian which means to Vex. (They sure like to Vex me.)

 These little buggers deserted their European homeland and came to America with our returning troops. Ever since they have been infiltrating and breaking down our electronic devices.

 It is no coincidence that the car known as a Gremlin kept breaking down. For some reason the sneaky fairies were attracted to them like flies to honey. Thus the lemon earned the name Gremlin.

 These device destroying creatures are not to be confused with the mutated Mugwi featured in the movie Gremlins that is an entirely different animal.

 No the Techno munching  menace that we face is all to real.

When something on your computer messes up, listen carefully and you can hear them laughing at you through your computers speakers.

 If you are traveling and you find that all of your batteries are dead this is because a Gremlin has stowed away in your luggage and has been sucking the juice from your electronics in order to survive. Keep them away from your car battery by closing all of the air vents in the car and turning off the car’s automatic lights. Also buy Maps instead of relying on GPS. If one of them gets into a GPS you will never reach your destination.

 To catch a Gremlin take an old floppy disc and place it on a mouse trap.  Then stick this set up under your computer desk. When the trap snaps don’t be surprised if the Gremlin looks like a mouse. Because they do you know. In fact place some cheese on the trap too. Just to show the Gremlins that you’re on to their little disguise.

 Remember gremlins are out there and they want to Vex you so vex them first by cutting back on your level of technology. Gremlins will always search out the highest level of Tech. So if there is a Gremlin around you will be glad that you’re not the guy with the smart phone. If you are the guy with the smart phone I am truly sorry but I told you so.

The Power of Paper

15 Oct 2011 3 Comments

by C.O. Bonham in Well founded paranoia Tags: , , ,

On September 14 I posted a stirring rally to preserve the printed word from the insecurity of the digital ether titled “Save the books.”

 It seems that the United States Postal Service shares my concerns. They have started airing new commercials promoting the security of paper. Check out the new commercial here. or watch below. Sorry the sound is so bad but it is the only one I could find on You Tube.

[Update: I guess the sound on the video is actually good it was my Computer that was off. If you have the same problem that I did try messing with the balance and wave on your speakers until it sounds good.]

It is probably a half-hearted attempt to scare people into throwing some business their way. But I ask you, where would this Country be without our Postal Service?

So in keeping with the anti-technology theme  I challenge every one who reads this to write a snail mail letter to a some one. Make it some one that you don’t see a lot. In your letter mention this blog. What? I’m entitled to a little self promotion. Then ask them to write a letter back. 

Besides getting mail is amazing! Don’t you want to give some one the gift of opening their mail box and finding a surprise? It is so exciting to receive correspondences from non-businesses.

So in addition to saving the books you are now charged with preserving our US Postal Service.

ALL HAIL THE POWER OF PAPER!

The “You Brute” Letter: A Sherlock Style Deduction.

08 Oct 2011 Leave a comment

by C.O. Bonham in Sherlock Holmes, Victorian Fiction Tags: , ,

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote a short essay called “Some Personalia about Mr. Sherlock Holmes.” This essay is reprinted in both The Sherlock Holmes Scrapbook and The Further Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.

In it ACD talks about all of the fan mail that he received in regards to Holmes. One letter really stands out. ACD does not reprint the whole letter but just the salutation line. The letter, received after the publication of “The Final Problem,” began with “You brute.” ACD states that the letter writer was a woman but gives us no other details.

My first thought was, “Wow really deluded fan!” But then it occurred to me that if this woman had believed in Sherlock as a real person with Arthur Conan Doyle as a pen name for John Watson then she would have sent condolences, not insults. So we now know that she accepts the stories for the fiction they are. Second observation: With the etiquette of letter writing drilled into Victorian/Edwardian Lady, why would a woman sitting down to the thought full task of writing a letter choose to open with “You Brute?” Answer she was under such emotional strain that no matter how calm she became she still thought of him as a Brute. But why such emotion over the death of a character that she knew to be fictional? Perhaps someone she knew was not as rational as herself and so took Holmes death at Reichenbach Falls rather hard.

One more deduction before I reveal what I believe would have been in the original letter. I think that this woman must have been an American because no proper British lady would have used the word You in place of a proper title. An English lady would have began it with Dr. Brute (The Sir was added after this) or, if she was ignorant of his profession, Mr. Brute.

 And now my logically thought out reproduction of the “You Brute” letter:

You Brute,

Did you even stop to think how news of Holmes death might effect other people? If you didn’t want to write anymore about Holmes then just stop writing. To just Kill him so heartlessly is beyond reason. Would you have still done him in if you had known just how truly devoted and attached Holmes’s fans really are? My own poor Husband has been barely been able to eat or sleep since reading of Holmes untimely demise. I do believe that he loved Holmes as a brother. Nay he loves him more than his own Brother. I can not ask you to revive The honored detective but do please write to my husband and try to help him see reason. You created this problem so I ask you now to fix it.

 Sincerely,

Mrs. Hope Sherrington of New York

Doyle’s reply must have read thusly:

Dear Madam,

I recommend that your husband, and all other mourners, seek psychiatric counseling.

Sincerely,

 Arthur Conan Doyle

P.S. Do your utmost to keep Cocaine away from your husband. I would hate for any poor soul to become addicted to the stuff for love of anything that I had written.

Everyone Could use a Montage

27 Sep 2011 1 Comment

by C.O. Bonham in Random Musing Tags: ,

Montages are great they allow an epic task that would normally take forever to occur in 30 seconds or less. With some creative camera angles and an upbeat pop song anyone can go from science geek to superhero.

Want to lose weight? No problem. Just inter cut scenes of intense cardio workout with shots of the numbers on a bathroom scale steadily declining and finish with a shot of you modeling skinny jeans.

Wouldn’t it be great if we had montages in real life? Think about it.

If I decided to write a novel all I would need are a few really good shots of me typing followed by a shot of the printer emitting an endless stream of paper. Then a shot of red marked pages being crumpled and tossed into the waste paper bin. More typing. Insert the required shot of me sleeping on the key board while “rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” flashes across the screen. More typing, hit the print key, shot of printer spitting out one last sheet of paper with “The End” on the bottom.

That was easy none of the wasted hours of staring at a blank word document or the annoyance of having to delete a days work because that scene I wrote was too clever by half. No getting distracted and organizing all of your writing utensils into separate pencil cups by color. Don’t ask.

Is it just that a montage gives a false sense of time passing? I don’t think so because it is understood that some of the montages take days weeks or even years out of the narrative time in the movie. What the montage does is give the viewer a false sense of focus. Making us think that we will really be able to stay in the game and devote the required amount of time to reaching our goals. It’s true that many people have stuck it out and written that great novel or lost the weight. But it doesn’t take  just one time of saying, “I am going to do this.” It takes constant re-motivation, patience and even knowing when to call it a day. Really, who wants to wake up to “rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?” That would really upset me having to delete all those Rs before I could do anything else. 

The montage might work for people living in TV land but in the real world we have to do it the hard way with all of that real-time in between shots in which to lose focus and get distracted.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have some writing to do. But we both know that I’ll just end up wall papering my room with post-it notes.

Cathrine

Go West Young Shrew

23 Sep 2011 Leave a comment

by C.O. Bonham in Shakespeare, Theater Tags: , , ,

The National Players were at Owens Community College, in Perrysburg Ohio, last night (9/22/2011) performing a wild west interpretation of William Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew. This interested me for two reasons firstly because as you may recall I have written papers on The Taming of the Shrew thus making it what the cowboys would call familiar territory. And secondly, if anyone has read “Souls are Wild” (Cross and Cosmos Issue 4) then you know that the Old west is also familiar territory for me.

 Sadly though Shakespeare’s entertaining Induction was cut, it almost always is, and replaced with a verisimilitude inducing prologue which provides the plot in a nut shell for those new to the play. Still it would have been interesting to see the drunk tinker Sly being kick out of a saloon and then getting taken in by a wealthy cattle baron.

 The set design was simple but very effective it consisted of two sets of swinging doors one stage left and the other stage right, the stage right doors decidedly more Saloon looking, and an open doorway center stage. The lumber, looking aged and weathered, was rough cut and gave a very Boomtown impression to the city ofPaduaItaly. I guess that made this a Spaghetti Western.

 The National Players gave a truly rough and tumble performance with comedic sound effects adding emphasis to stage punches and kicks. And in true frontier style extra effort went into making sure that none of Shakespeare’s physical innuendos went over anyone’s head. While, thankfully, the production avoided sprinkling Shakespeare’s words with the old western clichés of ‘taint and I reckon I do have to mention actor Chad Tallon who played Grumio. He managed to maintain a particularly thick “westerny” accent while at the same time speaking clearly and giving wonderfully comedic timing to an already hilarious character.

 Everyone who worked on this production did a great job and deserves praise but I only have so much room. Still, just one more nod. This nod goes to Costume designer Ivania Stack. All of the costumes looked fantastic and, I think, perfect for the time setting but I have to say that I really loved Kate’s coat that she wears in the final Act. It is just stunning and I really want one. Sorry I couldn’t find a picture.

 Unfortunately the there was only one performance at OCC but here’s the link to their web site. If anyone reading this hears about a production coming to your area I hope you’ll mosey on down and take in the show.

Save the Books!

14 Sep 2011 Leave a comment

by C.O. Bonham in Well founded paranoia Tags:

There is an alarming trend occurring in our society. More and more books are being committed to a nonexistent state. Some of them never to see life in print. How can we trust humanities greatest literary works to the digital ether? We have organizations to Save the whales and to save this or that landmark but who will save the books?

 I am not tech savvy. Technology hates me.  I will never be jumping on the E-book band wagon. But, you ask, how can a writer who relies on the internet for publication argue against E-Books? A printer I say. I print everything. Hard copy, hard copy, hard copy, that is the key to preservation.

 The greatest achievement in human history is the Book. The printed word. Not this new fad of downloading electronic books onto portable electronic devices. Nothing can replace the feel of a page between your fingers or the smell of aged book paper.

 Technology is fallible. It will let you down. But words safely written, typed, or printed onto good paper. They will always be there. It’s true that paper decays, becomes brittle, grows mold, and yes, it can even burn. But drives can be erased, Information deleted, computers crash and power go out. Both systems have their faults and both, some would argue, offer advantages.

 Books are idiot proof. Somehow even an illiterate seems to know how they work.

Step one open.

Step two stare into it.

Step three turn the page.

Repeat steps two and three until end.

 You never have to wait for a book to charge or boot up or download. They don’t require batteries, headphones or fancy cases to store them in. No extended warranty needed.

Books will never crash or loose a signal or be disconnected from a network. Once the printed word is in your hand you have total access to it. No IP address needed. No 404 errors, no redirection and no passwords to remember.

 I love books. Let’s keep printing books. Let’s keep making lots of copies. Let’s make sure that the next generation knows what Old books smell like.

Never let the books die.

 Here’s a challenge for everyone who reads this post: Go out and find a real life paper version of Ray Bradbury’s classic sci-fi novel Fahrenheit 451. DO NOT DOWNLOAD IT. Go to the library, a bookstore, borrow it from a friend maybe you already own it, just make sure it’s a book. Hold it in your hand. Then read it. If you’ve read it before then read it again. Enjoy it. Learn from it. Treasure it. Save it

Infrequency

06 Sep 2011 Leave a comment

by C.O. Bonham in Uncategorized

29th of August

06th of August

25th of July

12th of July

Wow! I didn’t realise how far apart my blog posts were.

Sorry that I post so infrequently. In my defence the word Random is in the subtitle. I am going to try  posting about once a week from now on.

 Yes this does count for this week in case some one was wondering.

I guess the problem is that without more focus I have been waiting for the “Random Musings” to come to me instead of actually putting effort into this project.  I am trying to change though. From now on I will Plan my “Random Musings.” Yes I too can see the problems inherent in the paradox of planned Randomness but I think I can make it work.

So until Next week. Hopefully. Maybe. If I get around to it.

Cathrine 🙂

Shakespeare’s Crossover

29 Aug 2011 Leave a comment

by C.O. Bonham in Shakespeare Tags: , ,

Some of you may know that I have written and presented papers at the 2009 and 2010 Ohio Vally Shakespeare Conferences.

Both of these papers were based on Shakespeare’s play The Taming of the Shrew.  The 2009 paper was about screen adaptations of the play and the 2010 paper was focused on the mysterious “Induction” that is the introduction that actually has nothing to do with the main play which is really a play within the Induction. If you don’t follow my meaning please read the play.

Anyway while reading Romeo and Juliet I found an interesting line. It just wasn’t interesting enough to devote a paper to,  so now you get to read about  it in my Blog. 

In Romeo and Juliet at the end of the ball scene Juliet is asking her nurse the names of many young men in order to learn Romeo’s identity.

Juliet: What’s he that now is going out of door?

Nurse: Marry, that, I think, be young Petruccio. (1.5 127-128)

In case you aren’t familiar with  The Taming of the Shrew the main characters are named Katherine and Petruccio. The plot doth thicken for Romeo and Juliet  takes place in Verona, Italy. It just so happens that Petruccio is also from Verona. His entrance line in The Taming of the Shrew is “Verona, for a while I take my leave.(Shrew 1.2 1)” Thus saying that he lives in Verona but has left there for a temporary visit elsewhere.

That elsewhere is Padua, Italy where The Taming of the Shrew is set.

I am not the first one to make this connection, though, the 2006 YA novel Romeo’s Ex by: Lisa Fiedler included a young Petruccio as minor character in the story of Romeo and Juliet’s demise.

I suppose that it doesn’t really matter. It’s not like I can actually prove that Shakespeare meant for it be recognized as the same character. Though I do like to think that it was a special treat that he slipped in for his faithful play goers. On the other hand Petruccio is not the only name that Shakespeare recycled but I would never claim that the Katherine in Henry the VIIIth is the same one as in Shrew. 

I guess it’s up to people with higher degrees than mine to argue about it.

Elementary My Dear Wells!

06 Aug 2011 2 Comments

by C.O. Bonham in Sherlock Holmes, Victorian Fiction Tags: , ,

Lately I have been reading a lot of Wells and Doyle. Probably two of the best writers of the English language. I also admire Jules Verne but as we all know he was French.

 H. G. Wells is best known for his Science Fiction thrillers. Most notably The War of the Worlds and The Time Machine.

 But he also wrote some more realistic novels as well the best of which, I think, is Wheels of Chance: A Bicycling Idyll  In this novel the main character Mr. Hoopdriver ( no, I’m not kidding) decides to take a bicycling tour of the English coast for his holiday. Naturally trouble follows him wherever he goes. But what really excites the geek in me are the six or so references to Sherlock Holmes, that well-known creation of Dr. Doyle’s.

 Mr. Wells also wrote a short story titled “The Stolen Body” in which a resident of Baker Street, experimenting with Astral projection, goes missing and his Housekeeper is said to be consulting with “That well known investigator.” That’s all we hear of him though because as I’m sure you can guess possession is 9/10th of the plot and he believes that “No ghosts need apply.”(The Adventure of the Sussex Vampire)

 Wells’s allusions to Sherlock Holmes are really a testament to how wildly popular Doyle’s creation had become in his own time. It’s exactly the same as a modern author referencing Harry Potter or Twilight.

 Or a simpler explanation is that these two Authors knew each other. In the biography Arthur Conan Doyle: A life in Letters  there is reprinted a letter written by H. G. Wells Congratulating Sir. Arthur on his recent Knighthood. It’s on page 503 for those who want to look it up.

 These two authors are really good and have a similar writing style. Very simple narratives with vivid descriptions and beautifully flowing dialog. I have tried to emulate the writing style and have found it a very trying exercise.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle has a great body of work in addition to the 60 Holmes stories. I recommend checking out this site http://siracd.com to learn more about ACD. Especially find some his Non-Sherlock Short stories to read. ACD works amazing wonders with the short story format and I think that they’re probably better than most of his longer works. For example Holmes Adventures as compared to Holmes Novels.

 As far as Wells is concerned your local Library should have at least a few of his better known books. Though once again try to find a Short story collection if you can.

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