I am so sorry, I’ve really slacked off, and this is my first time hosting too. But I see no reason to change. The Fantasy Times has already covered the ceremony, which happened early this morning, so I’m just going to steal their article and post it here. I’ll do better next year I promise. If I get invited back that is.
Award Presenter Confusion Leads to Strange Flirtation
I arrive at the Villain Awards ceremony and take my seat in the press box. I am surprised at how civilized the crowd is. Though I guess I shouldn’t be, as villains seem to have the most impeccable manners.
Gentle murmurs of conversation hush as a woman clothed all in white steps onto the stage with a red envelope in her hands. “Our Dark Lord appears to be a no show. But the awards must go on. As the first ever to be awarded this prestigious award, it is my honor to present this years Silmaril for Most Nefarious Villain.”
The crowd gasps at the White Witch’s announcement. Then a man strides on stage. He has long hair of purest silver and a tunic fit for a king. He addresses Jadis, “Who is it that has not shown up?”
“Lord Sauron, naturally. He always hosts this award, but he’s skipped out this year. No giant fiery eye anywhere to be seen.”
The man shifts and the crowd can see that he is carrying a Silmaril case. “Is this fiery eye the only form he can take?”
Jadis steps back. “No, of course not, but I don’t see any spiky suits of armour walking around either. What’s it to you anyway, Son of Adam?”
The newcomer pulls back his hair revealing his pointed Elven ears. “I am no Son of Adam. I have been awake since before the breaking of the first silence. And truly I tell you that Sauron can take another form, one that is pleasing to both men and elves. A form that would deceive even the likes of you Jadis.”
The White Witch leans in closer to the stranger. “Who are you?”
The shining Elf turns to face the audience. “I go by many names. Some of you know me as Mairon, The Second age knew me as Annatar. But you,” he turns back to face Jadis, “my dear White Witch, you can call me Sauron.”
Jadis leans in closer, “It really is you! I did’t know you could look so hot.” She stroked his shoulder, “You know we could be a real power couple if we teamed up. Have I ever mentioned that my origin story involves magic rings?”
The Dark Lord pulls her closer. “Indeed, with the ring to the wood between the worlds I could rule all universes.”
“Yes, the Dark Lord and the White Queen.”
He reaches out as if to caress her face but strikes her instead. “Fool, there is only one to rule them all. How dare you consider yourself my equal. You couldn’t even put down that bothersome lion.”
Jadis’s already pale face loses all color save for the red welt growing on her left cheek. She drops the red envelope as she flees the stage.
Sauron bends over and picks up the envelope. “Now that I have reclaimed my rightful place as awards presenter Let’s find out who the winner is.”
Lord Sauron makes a show of placing the Silmaril case on the podium and dramatically opens the red envelope. “With forty out of one hundred and fifty-four, the Most Nefarious Villian is a man after my own villainous soul. No sad back story, no righteous justification. Just pure evil. Your 2023 Most Nefarious Villain is Prince Humperdink from the novel The Princess Bride.”
The crowd erupts into boos and cheers, as the villains in attendance express their admiration for and their jealousy of the evil Prince Humperdink. Prince Humperdink is exuberant as her runs up on stage. He graces Sauron with a bow as the Dark Lord places the Silmaril around his neck.
Humperdink straightens and holds the shining jewel in his hand. “Thank you to everyone who voted for me. At the start of my story I was just a vain, spoiled Prince who wanted to punish Guilder for their princess’s baldness. But over the course of my arc I learned how to commit truly heinous acts. And the best part is that, unlike most of you out there,” Humperdink swept a hand before him indicating the audience, “I lived to plot revenge.”
Humperdink took a breath like he was about to start a longer speech but Sauron cut him off. “And that is all we have time for this year. Congratulations Humperdink, and to those that didn’t win. Better luck next year.”
Awards Schedule by Ceremony.
Monday, September 18: Most Magnificent Dragon – Jenelle Leanna Schmidt
Tuesday, Septemeber 19: Most Nefarious Villain – C.O. Bonham (You are here)
Wednesday, September 20: Most Devoted Couple – Book Shire
Thursday, September 21: Most Wayward Soul – E. E. Rawls
Friday, September 22: Most Silver Tongue – The Grim Writer
Saturday, September 21: Most Epic Heroine – Catherine Hawthorn
Monday, September 25: Most Majestic Ruler – DJ Edwardson
Tuesday, September 26: Most Faithful Friend – JL Mbewe
Wednesday, September 27: Most Mischievous Imp – Bard on pilgrimage
Thursday, September 28: Most Epic Hero – Imperial Scribis
Friday, September 29: Wisest Counselor – Light and Shadows
I hope everyone enjoyed this year’s awards and to those who really think I was being lazy I want you to know—the reporter was me.
A quick shout out to fellow awards host Sarah Pennington. Her newest book, Song of the Selkies, releases today! Go check out her blog for all the good book links and info about the book. https://tpssarahlightshadows.wordpress.com/
C. O. Bonham 