Hello everyone, I know it has been ages since I’ve blogged, and I guess it’s time to share what’s been happening. I don’t share very much about my personal life on here I prefer to keep it about books. So fair warning, it’s about to get real.
I am diabetic, so that’s a problem if anything happens to me, the situation can go from “this is not that bad,” to “this is really bad,” very quickly.
That is what happened last November I went hiking. I am no stranger to hiking but I am not a die hard can walk all day on rough terrain hiker. I am more of a go for an hour and stay on the, preferably paved, path kind of hiker. This was not that kind of hike, this was a long all day hike up and down steep changes in elevation. This not my kind of hike. I ended up with a blister on my big toe, both of them actually.
I got those blisters hiking to see this water fall:
Worth it? Maybe not when you here what happened next.
On normal people something like this might have cleared up in a matter of days. For me it was weeks and unfortunately that blister got infected with the bacteria Staphylococcus aureus. The large right toe ended up getting amputated.
Trigger warning: the following picture is of my feet. I have socks on but if you think it will bother you — scroll quickly.
I hesitate to call myself an amputee because this hasn’t effected my life much. I often forget that the toe is missing until I take my shoes off.
The most surprising thing to learn was that phantom pains are real pains. It’s not like a phantom feeling or an itch. It is pain. Sometimes the big toe on my right foot will just cramp up for no reason and that’s a problem, because the right toe is the one that’s missing.
When there isn’t a phantom pain it’s just general uncomfortableness. When I have shoes on it feels like I’m wearing one size too small and my toes are all crammed together and can’t move. With the big toe gone they have more room than ever but because I can’t move the big toe my brain thinks I can’t move any of my toes. In an ironic twist this feeling is actually helped by stuffing a piece of pool noodle into my shoe to fill the gap.
Below is a picture of my very scientific template:
Bare feet is a little bit better in regards to cramped toe feeling, but without the big toe, the balance is off. I need to step carefully, or I feel like I do. You would think that sandals would be a good compromise but not really.
I will never be able to wear flipflops again and that saddens me greatly. I can’t wear flipflops because the big toe literally holds it on. But most sandals have a similar issue. I can attach the ankle strap to keep the sandal on my foot but most sandals have a strap that goes over the toes. Without the big toe to fill that spot the front half of my foot just slides back and forth as I walk.
Besides I do not want to answer the same questions twenty times a day as random strangers comment on my foot.
Though, I guess now I can just tell them to read about it on my blog.
It’s taken me a while to get back on my feet. Pun always intended. It was hard to focus on anything while I was recovering. Even reading was a chore and forget about writing anything. The few blog posts I managed to get out were because the author and/or publisher provided copy that I could copy and paste into the template and hit the schedule button.
Now after six months I am finally ready to get serious about this again. Expect a lot more reviews, reveals and writing updates in the coming months.
I’m even planning my first big post-op trip sans toe. I’m going to be at Realm Makers in St. Louis this July 13-15th. If you are also going to be there feel free to say hi, I will be the one NOT wearing sandals.
As a thank you for reading this very serious blog post I give you this humous meme I made using my sister’s dog.
C. O. Bonham 